I Want You To Want Me
by sistervamp
Summary: Dean is in love with an angel, but he can't tell them at all. He resorts to someone else's words. Rated M for profanity


**A/N: Here's the customary disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THESE GUYS...Eric Kripke does *major pout that _ALMOST_ puts Sam's bitch-faces to shame* Also some lyrics used are from Cheaptrick's I want you to want me, so as with the boys I don't own the lyrics or the song.**

**Anyway, this is a rather old fic of mine. It's pretty fluffy instead of my usual kink-fests, but hey I can't help what I write :) This is pretty much unbeta'd so yeah it may not be as good as it probably could be. Anyway enjoy and feel free to review :)**

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><p>What was it with Dean Winchester making mistakes? He'd done it all his life and he was doing it now. You see Dean had never meant for any of it to happen, but just like that age old excuse, it just happened, well perhaps <em>they<em> just happened would be a better way of explaining it. He'd never meant to release Lucifer and jumpstart the apocalypse, he'd never meant to ditch his baby brother when Sam needed him the most, he'd never meant for Bobby Singer to lose his legs, he'd never meant to... no actually that was a lie he had meant to that, the demon bitch had it coming threatening his love like that. In his life he had done things he wasn't proud of, things he regretted. Of course he had regrets, but he could live with them, he could survive them. What he couldn't survive was a rejection, he hadn't meant to fall for an angel, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He lived with the constant fear that he was the reason that the angel who held his heart had been cut off from heaven as he slowly fell. Of course he was, but not in the way he thought he was. His love for the infuriating, innocent angel hadn't caused Castiel to -for all intents and purposes- fall, but it was Castiel's love for Dean, putting the reckless hunter first above all that he had once held dear and that even meant heaven, that was what had made him fall. Okay he hadn't totally fallen, not yet, but it was only a matter of time before he did. His angel mojo was seriously starting to run out, but _still_ Dean was drawn to him.

Sam saw the connection, but then it was hard to ignore the near constant eye-sex the human and the angel had whenever they were together. Castiel had seen him cry, had seen him lose control, he'd seen him completely raw and his hell-broken soul. No-one, not even Sammy knew how much the pit (the fiery pit, hell or whatever people called it down there) had screwed him up, but Cas did. He may have been raised from perdition, but he may as well still have been in hell, because if he had to live without the one he loved, he would rather spend eternity down south, it was easier down there, each day the same and predictable, the pain was always the same.

Dean was unusually quiet as he cleaned his gun, with Cas watching with a _very_ interested expression on his usually emotionless face.

"Do you like watching me clean my shotgun?" Dean asked tilting his head to the side, a gesture the older hunter had picked up from the angel.

"It makes you peaceful and I like watching you do things that make you peaceful." Cas told the handsome man in front of him. Perhaps Sam was the only one who wasn't an idiot, but he saw Cas's statement for what it was, a statement said with love, more than that of an angel for their charge, but the love of two people who needed each other to survive in reality. The image wouldn't have been strange for Sam who was sat reading something on the internet, if it wasn't for the now regular eye-sex between his brother and the angel, which to be frank was starting to weird Sam out. Dean had never told Sam he was bi, so the naive younger brother had believed he wasn't and that Dean was straight, but the near constant eye-fucking (mostly instigated by Cas for the last few months) made Sam wonder.

"Damn Angels! Doors _do_ exist you know!" Dean shouted in exasperation at Cas just disappearing like he always did. Of course his shout had made Sam jump and hit his knee on the underside of the table he was sat at.

"Dude what the hell is going on with you and Cas? Gabriel comes and goes like that and you don't get annoyed, Cas does it and suddenly you're pissed." Sam demanded standing up and walking over to Dean, who was _still_cleaning his gun. Okay sure it needed cleaning, but thinking of a certain angel while doing that? That was about as wrong as it got in Dean's mind, but by that point, he was past caring whether it was right or wrong. Love wasn't black and white, right and wrong, it was shades of gray too.

"Fuck off Sasquatch. Ask again and I will end you, princess Samantha." Dean growled being overly defensive over his feelings for the angel even if they hadn't been brought up...yet. He knew sasquatch, better than the kid knew himself, he could tell when the onslaught of questions would start. He sighed and decided to beat his brother to the punch.

**Damn****college****boy****is****too****smart****for****his****own****good.** Dean decided as he watched his brother and taking in Sam's questioning look.

"I'm tired Sam. I can't do this anymore, not now. He's amazing, sweet, innocent and beautiful and it's not his vessel, it's him, it's all him Sammy. A...and the only one who has a snowball's chance at keeping me functioning at all is well _him_." As Dean was speaking unbeknownst to them Cas had been listening from afar and knowing the way he felt about a certain irritatingly stubborn hunter, he'd only heard the first part. His emotions had stopped him from hearing the rest of what Dean had to say, as he had freaked out thinking Dean was going to do something stupid. He'd taken longer to get to Dean than he would have liked, but he was cut off from heaven, his 'mojo' as Dean called it, wasn't fully there so the transport from far away places took longer, obviously a few hours longer. He'd been focused on getting to his charge, even though he knew Dean was so much more than that, but he didn't know what to call the insouciant, yet altruistic human the angel was obviously in love with. By the time Cas had got to Dean, the latter was alone drinking...Again.

"Sam's out Gabby, go find him and leave me alone." Dean slurred, quite obviously drunk. Cas sighed, he hated seeing him so obviously lost, it made him feel like he'd failed, but the feeling of failure wasn't for failing to do his duty to heaven, but the feeling of failure was for failing Dean. It cut him like a knife to see the drunken mess Dean was in.

"Why do you drink Dean Winchester?" Cas asked tilting his head to the side just like he always did.

"Because of you." Dean finally admitted. He may have been drunk, but in the presence of Cas he was sobering up, the presence of the angel he loved always sobered him up, but also made him so incredibly intoxicated. That was love, no rhyme or reason, just love.

"I...I should leave?" Cas choked, he never wanted to leave him ever again. He was willing to fall for him, to die for him and he would, in fact he was already cut off from heaven for him. Dean heard the pain in Cas's questioning voice and he finally looked up at the perfect angel.

"What? No! Dammit Cas, I want you to stay." Dean told him keeping the words he wanted so badly to say in his head.

**I****want****you****to****want****me.****I****need****you****to****need****me.****I'd****love****you****to****love****me.** Hey, no-one said they were original words, but he'd been listening to that song so much lately that the words were engraved into his brain.

"What's wrong Dean?" Cas asked concerned seeing a battle behind the hunter's green eyes. What little of his Grace that was left reached out towards Dean, it only ever did that when an angel was close to falling completely in love with someone. It had happened before and they too had fallen and became human. Hearing the concern in Cas's voice he decided it was time to tell him everything, so he pulled out the sketch pad from his bag, the only drawings of Cas, each looking beautiful and gorgeous, such a far cry from his inability to draw and showed them to Cas.

"Cas...I...I...fuck this." Dean gave up trying to tell him with his own words and decided to not only show him, but to use someone else's words. He leaned forward towards the angel. "I want you to want me." He whispered as he pressed his lips to Cas's. "I need you to need me." He whispered when he pulled away for a second to look at Cas. He kissed him again, but this time Cas responded. The kiss was the kiss of teenage innocents who had no idea how to kiss or what they were supposed to do. Dean knew far more about kissing than Cas, but this is was different, he'd never been in love before, not with any of them, not even Lisa. He pulled away once more and rested his forehead against Cas's. "I'd love you to love me." he breathed as his breath ghosted on Cas's lips.

"We...We can't do this Dean. It...It's wrong." Cas stuttered breaking the moment's magic for a second. Dean lifted his head from the angel's and grabbed the collar of the trench coat that Cas was very rarely without.

"Love is neither right nor wrong, it's shades of gray. If what we're doing is wrong, then screw it, do it anyway. I love you Castiel, Cas please." Dean spoke to the angel in a voice so soft that Cas wouldn't have believed it of Dean had he not have been there. With Dean so vulnerable in front of him, so open and so much like the soul he'd tried to save what else could Cas say?

"I do love you Dean." Cas smiled and kissed him softly.

Sam could see them through the window of the motel room and unlike when Dean caught Sam kissing Gabe, Sam smiled and walked onto his own room where his archangel was waiting for him. _Took__the__stubborn__bastards__long__enough._ Sam thought to himself as he walked into his room and shut the door behind him.


End file.
